Holy Moly, Motherhood?

Well, I’m back blogging after a nearly 3 year hiatus. So much in my life has changed since the last time I sat down to write that I hardly remember how. Becoming a mom has been the single most transformative experience of my life. While I’ve taken to social media to express some of my experiences so far, somehow, blogging about my learnings as a new mom has felt scary. In some ways, I feel silly thinking of sharing what I’ve learned. My experience as a first-time mom is certainly not all that unique. What could I possibly say that hasn’t already been said or realized by so many others before me? If I’m honest, I’m tempted to feel a bit embarrassed, although I know that’s a weird response. I just had absolutely no idea what it was like to become a mother. I somewhat pride myself on being relatable and finding clear ways to write about things that many have experienced but never reflected upon. But holy moly, motherhood? How could I have been this clued out of the reality of nearly 2 billion women in the world? I mean, I have a mother.

** Que Galinda sharing about Elphaba **

“… she had a mother, as so many do.”

Here’s what I can’t stop thinking about. The fact that every mother will experience a life before motherhood, and then they’ll learn of this transformation taking place inside, outside, and altogether through them; slowly over time and then all of the sudden, at once. Maybe I was naive to this reality because even though so many women have experienced this complete mind, body, soul, transformation, when you try to make sense of it, it’s actually quite incomprehensible. I’m typing a lot of words to basically say this: becoming a mother is absolutely wild.

I’m not exactly seasoned in motherhood yet, my daughter is just about two years old, but even still, the longer I don the title, the more I realize just how much I don’t know. Each new stage and version of my daughter is different and I’m just making it all up as I go. And praying, like a lot. God is using my experiences as a mother to teach me more about him and his love for humanity. He’s teaching me a lot about how he’s uniquely created me and how he sustains me when I fall short, which is more often than I care to admit. As I’m entering a season of some life change, my hope is to come back to writing a little more frequently on the ole blog. It’s a good discipline for me, honestly, and I’d like to continue developing as a writer. I’ll be sharing little bits and pieces of what God is teaching me in this season, and as always, I hope you’ll stick around and be encouraged as you read.

For now, I’ll leave you with what I think about often when I’m nap trapped or forced to slow down at bedtime. I am honored and I am deeply humbled to get to love and lead my daughter for the rest of my days. I am thrilled to be her biggest fan, to love her more than anyone else ever could, and be someone committed to helping her know, name, and see her value as a beloved child of God. I am humbled to help shape her understanding of who God is, his love for her, and the hope Jesus offers. I am praying that somehow my mothering will reinforce a deep sense of steadiness and security, so that she might experience the freedom to be exactly who God created her to be.

Lord, may it be so.

Be encouraged, friends.