Old Friends and Foggy Photos

I’ve known for awhile this change was coming, and I knew it would feel a lot like sacrifice. Leaving a job I have loved for the past five years, and trusting God to show me what’s next, has felt several steps beyond my comfort zone. Many assumed I would stay home fulltime, as this feels like the natural thing for a young mom to do, but that was never really the plan. My daughter is a happy daycare kid. She loves her friends and often has to be bribed to come home with me or Riley at the end of the day because apparently she has already developed quite a bit of FOMO. I’m over taking it personally. I love that she has a community that adores her and is helping her grow. I’ve been splitting my time between substitute teaching and launching my new cleaning business! So, all that to say, I’m now into sourdough.

I think somehow the process of sourdough is resonating with me in this season. I like the concept of a few simple ingredients turning into something quite impressive. In fact, my first attempt at sourdough was, in my opinion, a smashing success! Well, considering my baking experience. Tangent: I remember baking banana bread the very first week Riley and I were married, because apparently that’s what I felt like I was supposed to do. I learned that week that Riley doesn’t have much of a sweet tooth, so I was left to basically eat two loaves of banana bread by myself. Needless to say, I’ve haven’t baked anything but Toll House cookies since. Which, by the way, are fantastic. Back to sourdough. I also think I’ve been enjoying the process because it reminds me of the beauty in waiting. There are so many places where you could try to rush the sourdough process along, and will ultimately reap the consequences. While you are waiting, the dough is not stagnant. Hopefully, a lot of growth is happening.

A few weeks ago, I was reconnected with a friend who I haven’t seen since shortly after my daughter was born. She is the kind of person who makes you feel loved and valued and just seeing her felt like a gift. A week after we connected, she invited me to attend a mini spiritual retreat that she was hosting. She said that God brought me to her mind and she wanted to see if I was available to attend. My schedule is a little all over the place right now, but somehow I was free to attend this mini retreat. One of the exercises that she had us do was to select a photo that resonated with us from an assortment of all kinds of different photographs and reflect on why we were drawn to it. I selected the photo below.

Almost immediately my eyes were drawn to the fog. This feels like my reality in a lot of ways these days. Waiting. Like the bench, looking out at the water (future) and believing I’m right where I’m meant to be, but with not much clarity for what’s ahead. Those close to me know that I have a fondness for trees. I actually have a favorite tree that I visit often to spend time resting, listening, and praying. It symbolizes deep roots, and many answered prayers for my future that I’ve asked of God these last five years. It took me a moment to turn my attention from the fog to notice the tree in this picture. A sweet and gentle reminder to me that while I may not have a lot of clarity for what’s ahead, all the things that I’ve prayed for at my tree, my faith, my family, my marriage, my friends, my daughter, it’s all here, and it’s all good.

The tree symbolizes what’s most important, and those things are crystal clear. It’s easy for me to feel anxious about not having a clear vision for the future, but to focus on that is to take away the joy of what is clearly in front of me today. I have a loving and supportive husband, I have a daughter who is thriving, I have an incredible support system, and a deep faith in God’s goodness towards me. God can use this season for his glory and my good, and I don’t want to look back 3 months from now only to realize there was no growth happening in the waiting because I killed my stater with hot water. Okay, the analogy maybe breaks down here, but you get the point.

I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m so thankful for God sending gentle reminders through not-so-coincidental run-ins with old friends and foggy photos.

Be encouraged, friends ❤