A Desire to be Known.

Friends, can I be honest with you? I am attention needy. Seriously, ask my husband. I have this incredible need to be payed attention to and to be taken care.  I am the “baby” of the family and I didn’t quite realize how many ‘baby of the family’ tendencies I actually posses until about two weeks into my marriage. This need to be seen goes much deeper than immediate attention. Thankfully, Riley (my husband), knew this truth about me way before I was ready to admit it to myself. All of this to say, social media is a huge trap. Disclosure, the following paragraphs could be classified as somewhat rant, somewhat confessional.

Facebook. Instagram. Twitter. I’m serious, they were all created to feed my need for attention and trick myself into thinking that those 100 likes and 5 comments are adding value to me as human being. My confessions continue, the things I post on social media are not displaying my most genuine feelings. They are displaying a false reality of my life. Sure, I do love my husband, I do love my family and I think mountains are pretty, but I am only posting what I want you to see.

If you only looked at my Instagram, you wouldn’t know that I have a hard time trusting God with my future. You wouldn’t know that while marriage is super awesome, it comes with a lot of changes that are tough and that I’m figuring out that people weren’t kidding when they told me, “marriage is a lot of work.” Truth: I only post what I want you think about me, not my reality.

Within the last few weeks I have realized something. I don’t remember the last time it ever comforted me knowing that I got 100 likes on my post last week. Riley doesn’t say,

“Sagan, it’s all going to be okay. Seriously, you got like 100 likes on that artsy picture you took of your latte.”

Haha. If I’m honest, it just doesn’t happen. The point of this post is not to convince you that social media is the spawn of Satan, although it often seems that way. No, that would be pretty hypocritical considering you’re probably reading this blog via Facebook or Twitter. Actually, this post is about my deep desire to be known. I know I am not alone in feeling like this. I believe that it’s only human nature to want to be fully known and accepted. Personally, I was looking to social media for fulfillment and it just wasn’t working. You could be looking for acceptance from a different source.

Are we all in agreement that we find comfort in being fully known? Sure, being vulnerable is hard. But, being known by someone we trust, it’s a wonderful thing. How about being fully understood? There is nothing more frustrating for me than being misunderstood. I’m so glad babies don’t suffer long term damage from being misunderstood for the first three years of their lives. Ha. It’s just the worst. Lastly, being fully loved. Who could ask for anything more?

I want to be fully known. 

I want to be fully understood.

I want to be fully loved. 

I want to live like I know all three of these are true for me, well, because, they are. 

I can live like I am fully known, because I am. 

I can live like I am fully understood, because I am. 

I can live like I am fully loved, because I am. 

God doesn’t need my social media posts to try to figure out who I really am. He doesn’t even need me to tell Him. He knows. He just knows. Do you know what’s even better than Him knowing me completely? He accepts me and loves me so unconditionally. He understands my pain, my struggles, my fears. He promises to wrap me in His arms and comfort me with His love. He is faithful. He is so good.

Another confession, are you ready? Sometimes I forget to live like I know all of that is true. I’m searching for acceptance. I’ve already got it. I’m searching for affirmation. I’ve got it. I’m searching for someone who understands me. He does!

There are times when I think that being fully known is a bad thing. In some ways it’s scary, you know. God knows what I’m thinking before I say it. But I must also remember, He has always known me, the good the bad and the ugly, and He still chose me. I love my God for that.

My heart found great comfort in these scriptures and maybe yours will too. My God knows me, He fully understands me and He fully loves me.

But whoever loves God is known by God.

1 Corinthians 8:3

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
    before you were born I set you apart;
    I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Jeremiah 1:5

You have searched me, Lord,

 and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

Psalm 139: 1-6

Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely. 

1 Corinthians 13:12

When trying to wrap my mind around most of what God promises, it can feel like I am straining to see through the fog. But, I am comforted knowing that one day all will be revealed to me. I will know completely just like He knows me completely.

Here’s the deal friends. Believing that God knows me isn’t enough. I can’t be content with just being known. God desires for me to know Him too. Just like any relationship, it takes work. However, knowing my creator and being known in return is one of the biggest blessing God gave me. I won’t settle in this life. I’m going to work to know my God.

In 2016, I will live like I am fully known, fully understood and fully loved.

Thank you for letting me share my heart.

Be encouraged, friends.